Already got asked if we're dating
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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