Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Green mimosas i think yes
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Randomize
