Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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