My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
