South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
