So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
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