my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
