best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
