I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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