my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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