My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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