if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." π ππ·
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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