Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
