My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
