she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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