I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
