So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
