So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
