its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
