i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
