I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
