never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
