You just made me feel so damn special
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
