That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Sorry my hands just texted you
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
