Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
being pregnant is like rehab
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
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