im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
