You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
