he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
