the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
