Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
How drunk are you?
Completed.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
