he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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