he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
