i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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