If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
