I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
