You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
