Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
