Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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