she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
