I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
