Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
