yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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