A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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