can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
