she was so not down for the gang bang
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
