Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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