Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
