True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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