It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
