I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
