I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
