i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
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