I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Sorry my hands just texted you
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
