So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
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