What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
