Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
