Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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