marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
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