dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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