I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
