"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
this will be a night to untag.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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