who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Couch. On fire.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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