I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
