you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Randomize
