There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
You took a bar mat shot.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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